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Helping You:
GO TO: How You Can Help
Helping Someone You Know
- BELIEVE THEM.
The greatest fear of sexual assault survivors is that they will not be believed, or that their experience will be minimized as "not being important." Even if details are unclear, don’t investigate. Allow them to tell you what happened as they feel comfortable. Do not press for details of the assault. Respect their need for privacy.
- LET THEM BE YOUR GUIDE.
It is important to remember that sexual assault is an extreme loss of control. You should always be respectful of their choices. It is only through making their own decisions and taking control of their recovery that an assault survivor can begin to take control of their life again. Ask them to help you by telling you what they want or need.
- LISTEN.
They may not begin with a rush of words, so be patient. Let them know that listening to them is more important that anything else they may think you want to do. Let them tell the story at their own speed.
- DON’T BLAME THEM.
They need to hear that the assailant is 100 percent responsible for the assault. Avoid questions that seem to blame them for their actions, such as, "Why didn’t you scream?" and "Why did you go to their room?" Allow them to talk out their feelings of self-blame if they want to, but help them understand that only a rapist causes rape.
- COMFORT THEM.
Tell them you care about them and want to help. Ask how you can help. Often there is nothing specific you can do, but reassurances can be very important.
- RESPECT THEIR PRIVACY.
They should be the one to decide who should know about the assault and how they should be told. Do not share their story with anyone without the permission of the survivor.
- SUGGEST CALLING A SEXUAL ASSAULT CRISIS CENTER.
This does not mean that they must report the rape to the police. A rape crisis center will provide a trained worker to guide the survivor (and friends) and discuss options through the next critical hours. All calls to rape crisis hotlines are confidential.
- ENCOURAGE THEM TO PRESERVE EVIDENCE AND TO SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION.
Even if they appear unhurt, encourage them to seek medical attention. The rapist may have had a sexually transmitted infection or if the individual is female, she may become pregnant from the rape. Encourage them to wait before they wash their hands, face and body, brush their teeth or change their clothing. During an official rape exam in a hospital, specimens will be taken to find traces of blood, hair, saliva and (if male) semen of the rapist. It’s important that nothing be washed away. Do take a change of clothes to the hospital – clothing may be collected as evidence. They do not have to undergo a PERK (Physical Evidence Recovery Kit) exam if they do not choose to do so. They may choose not to report to the police, to make a report without intentions of prosecuting or make a report with the intentions of prosecuting the case.